What is debating?
Arguing or squabbling?
Debating is about arguing, and arguing is not the same as squabbling. Squabbling is only about your own hyper individual perspective: you are right, the other is wrong, so you have to hammer this in your opponent’s head. And if your opponent doesn’t agree, then he or she doesn’t ‘get’ it, meaning that you’ve to force him even harder to ‘get’ it. Squabbling is about force, domination, and usually it ends in a lot of frustration.
Debating as arguing on the other hand aims to get agreement from people about what you want by trying to affect their emotions, moods, attitudes,… While an argument will get a family to agree to go together on a weekend trip voluntarily, in a verbal fight one family member will force the others until they have no other options than going on this weekend trip. As Jay Heinrichs puts it: ‘You succeed in an argument when you persuade your audience. You win a fight when you dominate the enemy.’ Or in other words: ‘you fight to win, you argue to achieve agreement’.
Why is this important? Arguing may seem rather wimpy on the first sight – we often like to see ourselves as somebody ‘who dares to say it boldly’ and ‘without taboos’ – but if you at the start of a debate think of debating as squabbling, you’ll only end up with lots of resistance.
Discussions vs. debates
Now a second question: from whom do you want to get agreement in a debate? Imagine you’re a politician and you participate in a television debate with five other witty politicians. Who do you need to convince? Your opponents or your audience?
Here, it’s important to distinguish between a discussion and a debate, as Sharon Kroes, debating coach states. In a discussion it’s clear. You’re with two so you can only try to convince your opponent. But a debate is different: there is an audience and it’s the audience which should be convinced. You want to convince your audience, not your opponent! Think of it. Have you ever heard a politician admitting to another politician during a debate ‘hey, actually, what you say makes sense, I’ll think about it… ?’
Why do we have to know this? If your audience is your target, you need to focus all your attention and arguments on them, not on your opponent. If you forget your audience during a debate, your audience will quickly lose interest in you and you make less chance of convincing them.
Debating is about arguing, and arguing is not the same as squabbling. Squabbling is only about your own hyper individual perspective: you are right, the other is wrong, so you have to hammer this in your opponent’s head. And if your opponent doesn’t agree, then he or she doesn’t ‘get’ it, meaning that you’ve to force him even harder to ‘get’ it. Squabbling is about force, domination, and usually it ends in a lot of frustration.
Debating as arguing on the other hand aims to get agreement from people about what you want by trying to affect their emotions, moods, attitudes,… While an argument will get a family to agree to go together on a weekend trip voluntarily, in a verbal fight one family member will force the others until they have no other options than going on this weekend trip. As Jay Heinrichs puts it: ‘You succeed in an argument when you persuade your audience. You win a fight when you dominate the enemy.’ Or in other words: ‘you fight to win, you argue to achieve agreement’.
Why is this important? Arguing may seem rather wimpy on the first sight – we often like to see ourselves as somebody ‘who dares to say it boldly’ and ‘without taboos’ – but if you at the start of a debate think of debating as squabbling, you’ll only end up with lots of resistance.
Discussions vs. debates
Now a second question: from whom do you want to get agreement in a debate? Imagine you’re a politician and you participate in a television debate with five other witty politicians. Who do you need to convince? Your opponents or your audience?
Here, it’s important to distinguish between a discussion and a debate, as Sharon Kroes, debating coach states. In a discussion it’s clear. You’re with two so you can only try to convince your opponent. But a debate is different: there is an audience and it’s the audience which should be convinced. You want to convince your audience, not your opponent! Think of it. Have you ever heard a politician admitting to another politician during a debate ‘hey, actually, what you say makes sense, I’ll think about it… ?’
Why do we have to know this? If your audience is your target, you need to focus all your attention and arguments on them, not on your opponent. If you forget your audience during a debate, your audience will quickly lose interest in you and you make less chance of convincing them.